{"id":1643,"date":"2022-04-10T20:33:41","date_gmt":"2022-04-10T19:33:41","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/pbthomas.com\/blog\/?p=1643"},"modified":"2022-04-10T20:33:43","modified_gmt":"2022-04-10T19:33:43","slug":"dealing-with-anger-matthew-521-24","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/pbthomas.com\/blog\/?p=1643","title":{"rendered":"Dealing with anger Matthew 5:21-24"},"content":{"rendered":"

Back when I was a successful young chemistry teacher and youth leader I explored the possibility of becoming a regional worker for the Inter-Schools Christian Fellowship, part of Scripture Union. I was encouraged by one of their senior schools workers, whose children were part of the Crusaders Group I led. I got to the final stage of being interviewed but I didn\u2019t get the job, probably because I was completely floored by the question asked by the big chesse, the chairman of Scripture Union. \u201cWhat makes you angry?\u201d I knew very well that Christian\u2019s aren\u2019t supposed to get angry, so I really couldn\u2019t come up with any answer. For years afterwards I wished I had offered a suitably clever response. \u201cI get angry when people ask ridiculous, irrelevant questions taken from books like \u2018Teach Yourself How to do Interviews\u2019.\u201d Only much later did I realise what an inciteful, relevant and important question that was. \u201cWhat makes me angry?\u201d
\nBecause of course we all do get angry sometimes. Sometimes we show our anger, sometimes we hide it and sometimes we deny it. But everybody gets angry and what matters is how each of us deals with the anger we feel.
\nAnger is a response to somebody or something you feel has deliberately done you wrong, or to a situation you consider to be unjust or intolerable. That response can be rational or emotional or both. Anger can be a good thing. It can give you a way to express negative feelings, for example, or motivate you to find solutions to problems. Anger can also be a bad thing. Excessive anger can cause all kinds of problems. Increased blood pressure, raised heartrate and other physical changes associated with being angry can make it difficult to think straight and can harm your physical and mental health.
\nANGER IS NOT NECESSARILY WRONG – GOD GETS ANGRY
\nJesus got angry. When the Pharisees were watching to see whether Jesus would heal a man with a withered hand on the Sabbath, we read
\nMark 3 4 Then Jesus asked them, \u2018Which is lawful on the Sabbath: to do good or to do evil, to save life or to kill?\u2019 But they remained silent.
\n5 He looked around at them in anger and, deeply distressed at their stubborn hearts, said to the man, \u2018Stretch out your hand.\u2019 He stretched it out, and his hand was completely restored.
\nGod is angry with sin. The Greek word is the same for anger and for wrath, and there is another word as well translated as anger or fury.
\nRomans 1 18 The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of people, who suppress the truth by their wickedness.
\nRomans 2 5 But because of your stubbornness and your unrepentant heart, you are storing up wrath against yourself for the day of God\u2019s wrath, when his righteous judgment will be revealed. 6 God \u2018will repay each person according to what they have done.\u2019 7 To those who by persistence in doing good seek glory, honour and immortality, he will give eternal life. 8 But for those who are self-seeking and who reject the truth and follow evil, there will be wrath and anger (or fury).
\nIn very many places the Bible tells us that God is angry with sin and rebellion. God is angry at injustice and unrighteousness and unfaithfulness. God gets angry, but when he does God is angry for the right reasons. Calm collected anger and outrage at such things is entirely appropriate for us too. It is important and right that Christians should get angry at sin and evil, angry enough to proclaim the gospel of forgiveness and speak boldly and prophetically against injustice.
\nBut there are two kinds of problems human beings face when it comes to anger.
\n(1)\tBEING ANGRY ABOUT THE WRONG THINGS
\nSometimes when we are frustrated with something or somebody we can become angry with the situation or with the person.
\nSometimes when we feel threatened we can respond with anger.
\nSometimes if somebody hurts us we can strike back in anger.
\nWhen we are disappointed about something this can turn into anger.
\nWhen we feel out of control in our situation we might respond with anger.
\nSome people seem to have what we could call an angry personality. They tend to react to situations more strongly and even violently compared to other people. Sometimes this deep underlying anger is due to hurtful things which have happened in the past, maybe even in childhood. Outbursts of anger now can well up from those experiences in the past but can be triggered by very minor events in the present.
\nThere are all kinds of circumstances when we can all end up reacting irrationally or inappropriately or excessively. We are not making a deliberate choice to react to these situations in anger. Instead, anger is the irrational and emotional response every human being makes.
\nWe should keep in mind that there are various factors which can make people more prone to becoming angry, like hunger or tiredness or illness. Alcohol and drugs can remove inhibitions and make us more likely to be angry.
\nWe can become angry about the wrong things without good reason. Then the second kind of problem people have with anger is (2) DEALING WITH ANGER IN UNHELPFUL AND DAMAGING WAYS
\n\u201cFlying off the handle\u201d and \u201cgoing into a rage\u201d are never good ways to respond to a bad situation. When they get angry some people become aggressive. This can lead to active or open aggression in physical violence or aggressive words. Fighting, bullying, blackmailing, accusing, shouting, bickering, sarcasm and criticism. These behaviours all come from a need to be in control.
\nOther people tend to react with passive-aggressive behaviour, being generally uncooperative or unhelpful, or sullen or stubborn or procrastinating.
\nIf we recognise that anger is making us openly aggressive or passive-aggressive, it is important to channel that aggression towards calming and resolving the situation rather than allowing it to make the situation worse. So if a person has done something which has made us angry, it is acceptable to let them know that they have upset us or hurt us. But we should let them know how we are feeling by speaking calmly and patiently rather than in a fit of temper. Handling anger in that way can be helpful in restoring and repairing and strengthening relationships. I will offer a few tips at the end on how we can cope when we get angry.
\nSometimes people redirect their anger, in what is termed displaced aggression. If a person is angry but is not able to direct their anger towards the actual cause, perhaps because they are afraid of confrontation, then they end up taking out their anger on a different person or thing which will not hit back. When they are angry some people hit the wall or kick the cat. Very sadly some take out their anger on their partner, or even on their children. For example, some people who are angry with their bosses in the workplace end up misdirecting their anger towards their own families, who are all completely innocent and unconnected to the actual cause of the anger
\nOne common form of redirection or displacement is when some people turn their anger inwards. Instead of being angry with the person or situation which is upsetting them, they unconsciously become angry with themselves. This can lead to low self-esteem, depression and even self-harming.
\nThe other common wrong way by which people deal with anger is by denial. They are subconsciously pretending that the problem doesn\u2019t exist, or that they are not affected by it and that \u201ceverything is just fine\u201d. This repressed anger can lead to all kinds of mental health symptoms associated with anxiety and depression, or relationship problems and even physical pains.
\nPeople can become angry about the wrong things, and they can deal with their anger in unhelpful ways. So how can we hope when we are angry? And what can we say to somebody who is struggling with anger issues? As always we want to recognise that sometimes the best thing we can do is encourage a person to seek professional help, by talking to a minister or to a counsellor or therapist, especially if they are experiencing issues with their mental health. We will begin by encouraging the person to share with us their feelings of anger, helping them to explore what it actually is which is making them angry.
\nThere are some things which it is right to be angry about, but inappropriate anger is sin.
\nGalatians 5 19 The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20 idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21 and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.
\nIf we are angry about the wrong things or if we are handling our anger badly we must repent of that sinful anger. Emotional explosions. \u201cfits of rage\u201d and getting \u201chopping mad\u201d are never acceptable behaviour for Christians. If people are inappropriately angry we should gently challenge that anger. In the Sermon on the Mount Jesus gave solemn warnings about inappropriate anger.
\nMatthew 5 21 \u2018You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, \u201cYou shall not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.\u2019 22 But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister, will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to a brother or sister, \u201cRaca,\u201d is answerable to the court. And anyone who says, \u201cYou fool!\u201d will be in danger of the fire of hell.
\nIn Jesus\u2019s own words, anger is as serious as murder. When other people have offended or hurt us, God calls us to forgive them, not just once or seven times but seventy seven times or even seventy times seven. Paul writes in
\nEphesians 5 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
\nEspecially when anger is inappropriate or unjustified, the best way forward will be to seek until we find God\u2019s grace to forgive the other person. And we can let go of our anger by seeking to be reconciled to that other person.
\nSometimes the person we need to forgive is ourselves. If we have really lost our temper, and said things we wish we hadn\u2019t, or behaved even more badly, we will need to ask God\u2019s forgiveness for failing him and then we will need to forgive ourselves.
\nThe Bibles says we need to turn away from anger.
\nEphesians 4 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. We need to let go of all bitterness and all grudges and all thoughts of revenge.
\nRomans 12 19 Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God\u2019s wrath, for it is written: \u2018It is mine to avenge; I will repay,\u2019 says the Lord. 20 On the contrary:
\n\u2018If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
\nIn doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.\u2019
\n21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
\nWe need to learn how to deal with any anger we may have in Christ-like ways.
\nEphesians 4 26 \u2018In your anger do not sin\u2019: do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold.
\nGood News Bible If you become angry, do not let your anger lead you into sin, and do not stay angry all day.
\nWhatever the cause of your anger, you need to sort the problem out.
\nNew Living Translation: \u201cdon\u2019t sin by letting anger control you.\u201d
\nWe need to make sure that we deal with our anger in appropriate ways. For a Christian the right response to anger is exercising self-control. Self control is one of the fruit of the Spirit. Paul reminded Timothy that God has given us a Spirit of Power and of Love and of Self-Discipline. We need God\u2019s gift of self-control, the ability to control our feelings and overcome our weaknesses so that we can deal with our anger in the right ways.
\nSo how should we cope when we are angry. And what could we say to somebody who is battling with anger? Let me conclude with a few words of practical advice.
\nStep 1 \u2013 take things slowly.
\nJames 1 19 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20 because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires
\n\u201cQuick to listen, slow to speak, slow to become angry.\u201d The very first thing we should do when we recognise we are getting angry is just slow down. Think before we speak. Engage brain before engaging mouth. In the heat of the moment, it’s easy to say something we’ll later regret. We need to take a few moments to collect our thoughts before saying anything and allow other people involved to do the same.
\nThis is why many people recommend counting to five or to ten when we are angry. Our pulse and breathing can be racing and taking a few slow deep breaths can help calm us down. Maybe even give yourself a time out. Some people find that humour can help diffuse a tense situation. Use relaxation skills, deep breathing and gentle music to help you relax.
\nStep 2 \u2013 pray!
\nI put praying second because, although it is certainly the most important thing to do, in the heat of rage we don\u2019t always have the presence of mind to stop and pray.
\nStep 3 \u2013 find ways forward.
\nLater, when you are ready, it is good to look for some practical solutions to the situation which is making you angry. Bitterness and holding a grudge are damaging. So we should work towards forgiving the other person.
\nIn the long term, we may need to recognise when it is time to ask for help. If you are struggling with anger issues, or your temper is hurting people around you, talk to a friend or to a minister. If necessary be willing to seek professional help from therapists.
\nWe all get angry sometimes. But we should deal with our anger in Christlike ways. Take things slowly. Pray. Find ways forward. Forgive.
\nEphesians 4 26 \u2018In your anger do not sin\u2019: do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,
\nGood News Bible If you become angry, do not let your anger lead you into sin, and do not stay angry all day.
\nNew Living Translation: \u201cdon\u2019t sin by letting anger control you.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Back when I was a successful young chemistry teacher and youth leader I explored the possibility of becoming a regional worker for the Inter-Schools…<\/span><\/p>\n

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